Lost and Found
Every choice has consequences.
My decision not to have children when I was younger, my decision to have my son in my mid thirties, and my twins at age 40. I decided to have an amniocentesis due to my age and as a genetic carrier of a potentially fatal metabolic disorder. Fatal consequences no matter my choice.
I decided not to see my daughter's body after birth, instead to focus on my living twin. In the end, I had to save the only life that I could save.
All of these decisions had consequences that I have had to live with ever since. But they were my decisions to make- about my own body and about my own life.
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voice behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life that you could save.
-Mary Oliver
The Journey